I Believe...

This wasn't God's will.  God didn't allow this tragedy for some greater good. God didn't "need" more angels. God doesn't harm His children to bring them closer to Him. God doesn't kill babies- ever. Satan comes to kill, steal, and destroy.  God comes to give us LIFE.  Abundant life.  I believe God wept over this loss just like we are, more so because he created every one of these precious lives and He knew the plan He had for them, a plan for them prosper...a plan with hope and a future.

God gave man the power of free will. God also knows there is evil in this world right now.  He gave us instructions in His own prayer to ask for deliverance from evil.  Yes, I believe in satanic evil. I believe we saw that power at work in Connecticut last week. Evil.

So what do we do? How do we live in a world like this?

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly trust in Jesus name.  Christ alone; cornerstone. Weak made strong in the Savior's love. Through the storm, He is Lord. Lord of all. When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale my anchor holds within the veil. When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh, may I then in Him be found. Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless stand before the throne.

There will come a time...God's justice will be revealed.  Everyone chooses their master.  Jesus is my Lord. I belong to Him. Do you?

The Whole Chicken Thing

I'm a bit more censored on Facebook than on my blog. Shocking I know.  But this is totally my space to say whatever comes to mind and know nobody really reads it anyway.  So. Here are the thoughts I won't put on Facebook...not today anyway. 

*I don't care who marries who. Sorry Baptist friends. I really don't think that is worth fighting over. I do however care that people try to tell me where I should and shouldn't eat my chicken. I'll eat my chicken wherever I choose to do so. 

*I think ALL business owners have a right to voice their opinions. Even if they aren't popular.  If I feel strongly enough about them to boycott their establishment based on them, then I will but that is MY choice. Only mine. I'll be danged if any government or church is going to tell me I have to protest this or that based on this or that. In fact, if you tell me to protest it- you can bet I'll probably be there the next day just to show you how I feel about that. Take your marbles and go home now. 

*The above goes for both the left and the right wing. I have my own moral compass and it isn't swayed by party lines. 

*How dare people who preach tolerance become so intolerant of differing opinions. That's ironic, don't you think?

*Now I think I'll go by Starbucks first and then Chic-fil-a. Wow. I'm such a rebel to both parties. Or maybe I just like good coffee with my rockin chicken?

Learning to be a Pineapple

Five years ago we drove away in the Durango.We left our hometown, fully aware that we were leaving behind everything and everyone we knew and loved. Excitement was mixed with apprehension.  Yet we knew - KNEW- this was our journey. We knew we were being led to Charlotte, NC for a reason.

I looked for that reason almost daily the next couple of years. I expected God to open the sky and show me the plan- the reason. Time went on and I kept asking...what are we supposed to do in Charlotte? What impact are we supposed to have? I guess I expected it to be one big thing or one big event.

The last few months I've heard God answering me. But His answer is different than my expectations. We are here for a reason. But the reason is much more complex and yet much simpler than I ever imagined. We are here to live. We are here to love. We are here to grow- both as a couple and as children of God. We are here to raise our kids. We are here to care for others and be cared for by others. We are here to be pineapples. Yes, pineapples.

Our last Wednesday night in Oklahoma, Pastor Greg was preaching at COTM. He spoke about when he and his wife made the move to Tulsa. They left behind their friends and family as well. They had to. God wanted them to be pineapples and pineapples didn't grow where they were from. Sometimes God moves us to grow us. He moves us to give us the environment we need to become the person He knows we can be.

But even after 5 years, I'm a long way from being that pineapple. Right now I'm probably more like the generic brand of pineapple chunks.  God has a lot work left to do in me. I know I mess up. I've messed up this week. I let my humanity seep out more than I let Jesus seep out.

But now I know. I know the reason. I know we are home. We'll happily continue living, loving, growing, raising, and caring. I'll keep striving to be that pineapple.

Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city...

Somehow. Someday. Someway.

It is so way late and I so need to go to bed but I've had this "jumbled" in my head since Thursday. I need to get it "on paper" and see if it makes more sense that way.

Somehow. Someday. Someway. I need to be involved in the field of adoption. I don't mean adopt. That's not it. But I need to be in that field. I really wish I'd been an OB. Truly. I love childbirth. I loved loved loved volunteering as a doula at Hilcrest. I miss that. I need to be back in it. I also think I need to be "doulaing" for moms that are giving their babies up for adoption.

I know this doesn't make much sense. It's kinda like when you dream something and it all fits together in your mind but the moment you try to retell the dream to someone else you realize it really didn't make sense.

So...for now...until something else makes sense...I'll just keep on watching Deliver Me and Birth Day and Adoption Story- even MTV's 16 and Pregnant. Did you see it last week? That little 16 year old was so brave as she gave her baby to a lovely family. Her own mother was against it yet she pressed on. She needed some nurturing and it breaks my heart that she didn't appear to get any.

There are more girls out there that have babies they have no business raising. Maybe they just needed some love and nurturing and education to make better choices for thier children. Why aren't we doing anything about this? Why do we allow the cycle to continue? What can I do to make a difference?

Reckless Faith

I found this on You Tube this weekend. It brings back memories of when we saw Rich...April of 97...I was pregnant with Maci. It was more than a concert. It was life changing experience to get a glimpse of Rich's reckless faith. Oh how I remember walking into Maci's bedroom late that September night and hearing about his death on the Christian radio station. How could it be? But gosh...listen to Rich's music. He was ready to go. He begged to go. We named Aaron Scott Mullins after him in June of 99. Now in 2009, Rich's words still resinate with me. What a ragamuffin. What an arrow pointing toward heaven. Turn off the music at the bottom of this page and spend a few minutes with Rich. I included both parts. 18 minutes total. Possibly a lifechanging 18 minutes. Click play.

Just Thinking

Walking to the car after my Kinesis class last night I thought, "who is this girl?" It is so 'not me' to sign up for some gym class that I've never heard of--let alone not knowing a soul in the class.

When did I get so bold? When did I stop being the girl that needed an entourage to go anywhere to one that will sign up for, attend, and enjoy something totally random and unconnected to any person I know.

Here's the kicker- I'll be back next Monday and this time I will know what I am in for and who will be in class with me. That's the thing about the unknown- when you push on, it doesn't stay unknown for very long.